Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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