I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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