Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
