This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
