I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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