I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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