Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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