That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
