I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
love makes seman taste better
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
