He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
