I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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