I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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