so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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