Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
