Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He felt like a one man threesome
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Pants are for mortals
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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