just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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