The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
do herpes really smell.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
