Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
