guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
