She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize