they need to just BURY HIM!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
