There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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