so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
