somebody snuck up and got me drunk
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
