Already got asked if we're dating
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
