My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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