i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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