WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
