It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
