Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
