Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
