i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
