what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
