I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
