Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He did a backflip because drugs
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