he wants to bone in the snuggie
Buhtt sex?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
