His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
