My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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