I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
