Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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