You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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