OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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