some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
