Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
