like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
