I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
