i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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