It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
