great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
do herpes really smell.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
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There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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