i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
