I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
