i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
