careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
