we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
