come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
