I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
