there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
