i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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