My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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