I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
