I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
