glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
