I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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