meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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