My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
