I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
3pm strippers are depressing
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
