He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
