mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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