when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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