she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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