The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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