Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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