Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
