And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
