Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
