guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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