dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
