my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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